Fatal Urge Carefree Kiss
“Double trouble across a dimension – A movie script for Sir Arnold Schwarzenegger!!”
This is the story of an average middle class working man, around 50, with a beautiful lady as his spouse and three kids, the eldest son just starting university, the youngest son, a nerd, in year eight of middle school, and a bubbly teenage daughter.
On his twenty fifth marriage anniversary the man buys a cake for the family, makes sure he’s got the gift for his wife and starts driving home when he ends up in a traffic jam. Deciding not to wait he takes a side street and goes down the back streets and gets back home 15 minutes later than normal time.
He rings the bell and his wife answers, whom he kisses and says, “Happy Golden Jubilee sweetheart!”
His wife a bit shocked, wipes her lips and says, “That fine sweetheart but then who is he?” A man with a cake in his hands and candles atop, who looks his exact copy stands in front of the kitchen door as the three kids sitting on couch watch with their jaws down to their bellies.
They both drop what is in their hands and the one at the door asks, “Who are you?”
“I am me,” the other answers, “Who are you?”
“I am me too,” the first one answers.
The confusion that follows is finally settled temporarily when the nerd of the family tells them that possibly one of them has come from the other dimension, something he was discussing earlier with another nerd of his school. The only problem they face is, “Which one?”
While one of them took the side street, the other waited for the jam to clear, which delayed him only by five minutes. But none is ready to accept that he’s the one who’s come into the other dimension. They both love their family, that is, the same family.
The confusion that follows drives the whole family nuts as the two men try to woo the family members to their side. The kids have a field day as they get their ridiculous wishes fulfilled.
The next day both men compete to get ready in time for the office and rush in their exactly same cars with same number plates, each one trying to outrun the other. One cop stops the one in front, only for the other to zoom past them at a greater speed. The cop leaves the first one and follows the second one and guess the shock he gets!
Now imagine the confusion at the office as they both try to beat each other at doing the same job, taking turns. Everybody gets confused, the bosses, colleagues and all.
Next day there is a meeting with a tough client they both hate. They both decide not to go to the office and let the other one go and deal with him. They both skip the meeting and the business loses the client. Expectedly, they both, that is the one employed there, get fired.
While both accuse each other for negligence and fight it out, the wife goes to one of the three bosses and tells him that her husband slipped from the stairs and is in bed recuperating. The boss is convinced and promises to give him another chance. Only problem is, they both go to the remaining two bosses and tell him that their wife slipped from the stairs and was in emergency and they were by her side. Guess what happens?
One day, the kids fed up of all the confusion, decide to spend the night at their grandparents and friends. An empty nest awakes the woman in the wife as she kisses one of her two husbands. The other one sees them kissing and immediately shouts, “What are you doing with my wife?”
“I am kissing my wife, you idiot!” the other replies.
As the two of them quarrel, the wife first holds her head as she looks at the two of them one by one, again and again, until her frown changes into a wicked smile. She walks into the middle of two warring men and says, “Boys! How do I know which one of you is my husband and how do you both know I am the one who’s theirs?” They look at her and notice the naughty glint in her eyes. Then they both look at each other.
“NO!” they both yell in unison.
“Boys!” she says enticingly to both, “Kids are not home!”
As the wife enjoys her time, her neighbor gets jealous of the noise from their house, which doesn’t seem to end, noise which is partly one of the two taking turns in hitting the wall with his bare fists in anger. She kicks her own sleeping husband out of their bed, tosses his pillow in his face and says, “Go sleep with the dog!”
Next time when the neighbor sees one of the two men, she is extra sweet to him and this leads to another confusing situation.
Meanwhile the youngest kid takes the two to the other nerd, who happens to be two and a half foot kid from year six of school. Their son tells them that he might be able to solve their problem, but the kid turns out to be greedy as he gives them a list of demands before he would even listen to their story. The two of them look at each other, pick the kid up and put him on an almirah and act mean to him, just to make him talk.
And talk the kid doesn’t! He screams, “Mummy!”
A big heavy woman emerges from behind, “What happened sweetheart? The twins troubling you?” And she beats the crap out of the two in WWF style. As the lady leaves with her son their own son holds his head in disgust while the two of them grab their crotches and labor their way out.
Their elder son meanwhile catches a group of university students selling drugs and exposes them. The drug peddlers pledge revenge and attack him one day. As he is running away, he calls his father who is sitting with the other him. The two reach the spot, an empty college!
They spread out in search and one of them finds the group about to stab their son. He beats the crap out of all of them until they manage to escape his clutches and run away. Sounds good but what a pity they bump into the other him, who beats them again. They manage to escape from him and run in the other direction only to bump into the first one again.
“You,” the first one says.
“You again!” they reply as he beats the crap out of them again.
They manage to escape again and run in the other direction only to bump into the second one again.
“You!” the other one says.
“Please don’t bother! We’ll do it for you,” they all say as they start slapping and punching themselves.
The two leave with their son.
Finally one fine day the two are returning from a picnic in the car that belonged to the first one when they end up at the same spot with a traffic jam, right where the movie started. They decide it’s time to try their luck again. The family with the second one gets off the car as they tell the first one to try his luck again.
“I’ll kind of miss him,” the second one exclaims.
“Don’t even ask me,” the wife replies.
“What?” the second one stares at her but they don’t say anything as they hail a cab to get back home. As the wife is paying the cab and kids getting the stuff from the back, the second one goes to the door and opens it with his key.
Surprise! Surprise! There’s a complete family waiting for him.
“Father, where have you been,” the three kids rush to grab him.
“Where have you been,” his wife yells as she rushes down the stairs to hug him, wiping her tears.
The other family walks inside and everybody’s jaws drop down to their bellies until finally the second one looks at his wife and says, “Looks like it’s my turn now!”
“Don’t you even think about it!” his wife says.
“How do you know I am the one,” he says with a wicked smile.
Meanwhile the other him gets home and finds out what has happened.
The movie end with him yelling at the top of his voice, “Bloody you me!!”
Fatal Urge Carefree Kiss
(Amanpreet Singh Rai)
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