GOD of a man

“What a pity humans don’t realize the worth of what they have until they loose it.”

Chapter Twelve: He gave me all his love
Dated: 10th August, 2425

One thing that separates humans from animals is their ability to interact with their surroundings in a way that can alter them to suit their personal needs. Otherwise many other animal species have intelligence of varying degree but none can manipulate anything they come across in their immediate environs like humans. However this ability to conquer nature or atleast a part of it when collaborates with the innate greed to acquire everything as a personal entitlement, makes humans trample the hearts of those who give everything they have to make that person’s life worth living every bit of it. It’s not that humans don’t realize what they have lost when they do, it’s just that there’s nothing they can do to bring it back and that haplessness is pitiable.

Clara lay in her bed, stitched together but in unbearable pain, and the childlike honest Nakata sitting by her side nursing her and trying to relieve her pain.

“Is she going to be alright,” Robin was asking Steve, standing just outside the small room for the sailors.

“I don’t know, I just don’t know,” was all Steve could muster shrugging his shoulders, his face grim.

“You are going to be fine. Just hold on,” Nakata was pleading with Clara as if it was Clara determining her fate.

Time never changes its’ pace for anyone, however same time may have a different measure for two different persons sharing the same situation but from different perspectives. The unbearable pain the wound was inflicting on Clara was a slow torture she couldn’t help to accelerate towards either end. Time was indeed running very slow for her. On the other hand for those caring for her, time was running out too soon. They neither knew any way nor had any means to help accelerate Clara’s recovery. Rather every second that passed by her condition deteriorated further. The same time had two different measures for those present on that day on that ship.

“Can’t we do anything to relieve her pain?” Andy asked.

“Unfortunately nothing,” Robin replied as they all walked inside the room to have a look at her and try to comfort her.

“Hold on Clara, you are a brave girl. You will get over this,” Daniel said.

“Do you want anything from us,” Andy asked.

“Yes! Can you please ask Steve to shoot me? I can’t bear this pain anymore,” Clara broke down as her agonising cries from pain became more intense.

“Clara!” Steve’s anguished voice reverberated in the whole cabin, “Why are you intent on wasting my efforts? Just hold on for a few hours and the pain will decrease.”

Everybody comforted Clara and tried their best to make her forget her pain.

“Andy, you better start the engine up again and get the ship moving,” Steve said, “And Robin you better grab some rest in the storage space. The night is about to fall soon and we need you to man the ship at night.”

“You are right. I will take my blanket and mattress to the storage space. I won’t be able to catch any sleep with Clara in so much discomfort over here,” Robin remarked as he grabbed his blanket and mattress from the common bedroom and walked towards the storage space. Andy meanwhile went to the wheel house to put the ship sailing on course once again.

“I’ll stay here with Clara,” Nakata replied.

“That’s fine Nakata,” Steve said as he left for the deck to do some fishing for the crew.

After dusk Andy and Steve prepared to catch some sleep while Daniel manned the ship waiting for Robin to get up after midnight to take control of the ship. Nakata was still there sitting next to Clara.

“How is she?” Steve asked as he entered the cabin.

“She’s just fallen asleep,” Nakata replied in a hushed voice as he gestured Steve to keep it quieter.

Steve came around and had a look at Clara. Her face was still red with the strain caused to her fascial muscles by the intense pain.

“You take some rest too now. There’s nothing else anyone of us can do to make her better,” Steve advised Nakata.

“I am fine. I don’t have anything to do as such. I’ll just sit by her side for a while. She may wake up and need water or something,” Nakata’s devotion was just an example of his extreme sensitivity and compassion for others. Steve nodded his head in acceptance of his wish and climbed up to his bed and went to sleep.

Robin got up for his midnight change, had a look at sleeping Clara and Nakata still sitting by her side, Daniel was relieved from the wheel house and he too had a look at Clara, asked Nakata if he needed any help and then went to catch his sleep. The night went by but Nakata didn’t move from his place, nor did he blink an eye.

In the morning Steve and Andy got up as well and asked Nakata to rest for a while but he insisted he was alright.

“She looks a bit pale today,” Robin said as he came in after being relieved from his duty at the wheel house by Andy.

“She’s starting to get a fever as well,” Steve said as he touched Clara’s forehead.

“Does that mean bad?” Nakata became concerned.

“I don’t know. I can’t say anything,” Steve shrugged his shoulders.

“Why don’t you go to bed and have some rest,” Robin asked.

“I am fine,” Nakata replied.

Their conversation was interrupted by a soft moan from Clara who woke up, still in pain but a bit less intense.

“How are you Clara,” Steve asked.

“Ah! This pain, will it stop,” Clara’s agony sounded louder than her words.

“I am sorry Clara but there’s nothing we can do to help you at this moment,” Robin replied. They all tried to comfort Clara one by one but how can someone make anyone forget the physical pain they are experiencing. Finally they left one by one to take care of daily tasks. But Nakata was still there sitting by Clara’s side.

“Nakata can you please kill me and relieve me of this pain,” Clara pleaded with him.

“Stop saying that,” Nakata broke down and so did Clara.

After some time Nakata came up with an idea, “I will read you from Christopher’s diary. That will help you forget your pain.” He rushed to the store room to bring the diary from his bundle of belongings.

“Can I have some water,” Clara asked Nakata as soon as he returned.

“Sure, just wait a minute,” Nakata rushed to bring her some water. He lifted her up slightly with one hand and held the glass to her lips with the other. She tried to support his hand with her own but her grasp was too week.

“Do you want to eat something,” Nakata asked to which she nodded her head in negative.

“What does it say next,” she asked.

“The next entry is for 11th January, 2012,” Nakata replied.

“YES!! I am on cloud nine. She said yes. Oh man, it’s all unbelievable. I am going nuts with excitement. However, the only problem is the tough bit still remains. I have to see her old man now. Should I get a life insurance? My only fear is he may not agree considering we are Jews and they are Catholic Christians.”

“They used to make such a fuss about their religions didn’t they? I mean how does it matter what name a person prays to GOD with? Isn’t it more important to be a good human being than being the same religion?” Nakata questioned.

“Perhaps it was the social pressures that affected their minds. Things like what people would say if their daughter was married to a man from another religion,” Steve replied as he came in to check on Clara and Nakata and over heard the reading and subsequent question.

“But isn’t it more important that the man someone’s daughter is marrying loves her truly and keeps her happy, goes out of his way to make her comfortable?” Nakata asked.

“That’s what Frank used to do,” Clara remarked as she tried to overcome her pain, her eyes momentarily got stuck on some distant object.

“We know that now because we don’t have any religions and we can think clearly. It wasn’t the same four hundred years ago Nakata,” Steve replied, “Religion used to take more lives than it could ever bring together under one roof. It was like every man had his own GOD. As Henry taught us, GOD and religions were created by men to control men. Every community created their own GOD, and gave HIM a name in their own language, and prayed to him in their own unique way, as language and physical behaviour among every community developed literally independently of each other. The communities were totally cut off from each other as there was no means of regular and well connected communication between various human settlements at the time when most religions developed. The religions, names of GOD and the methods of prayer developed independently for every community and then every community made it their moral responsibility to spread their own way as a unique way of praying, resulting in enormous blood loss over the centuries. ”

“He used to ask me everyday if I am happy with him, if he can do anything for me, is their anything I need to feel comfortable. He used to tell me over and over how much he loves me,” Clara was lost in her own chain of thoughts and missed all that Steve said.

“I’ll read the next entry,” Nakata said as his attention was re-captured by Clara whose discomfort was beginning to rise once again.

“I better go and help the boys catch some fish,” Steve said as he left them again.

“The next entry is for 12th January, 2012,” Nakata continued reading to Clara.

“Damn! I am set for my hearing by the highest temporal authority at the Smith residence. I am meeting Stefani’s father at dinner. My GOD help me in this tricky situation. I don’t know which suit to wear. I don’t know which tie goes with my shirt. I don’t know which wine to buy. I am so nervous, and for a sailor, so scared.”

“It took me four months to coax him to talk to my father for my hand. You are the age of my son. It’s ridiculous and so wrong. I can’t face him, he told me. If I hadn’t threatened to take my life by jumping in the cold sea one of those days, he would have never talked to my father or married me. He was the President, yet so unsure, nervous and scared of talking to my father about it,” Clara said reminiscing old times.

“I’ll read further,” Nakata interrupted her realizing she is getting more uncomfortable remembering what happened between her and Frank, “The next entry is for 13th January, 2012.”

“YES!! I did it. I impressed him completely and he’s agreed. But I tell you man, even the military training couldn’t train me for this ambush. It was like fighting an enemy supported by mortar and machinegun -fire with swords. But I survived. He said yes and we are planning our wedding date which has to be very early because I think I might be hearing from my Commander soon to report for the duty. Looks like we might be heading for some action within the next few weeks and that is a bit of a dampener over such a wonderful occasion and the time of my life. But when duty calls, it has to be fulfilled.”

“He was so excited about our wedding he was literally jumping around like a teenager when my father finally said yes after intense pressure from the congress and myself. He was a completely changed man after that. It seemed like he had grown younger by atleast ten years, and I was on cloud nine too. I loved him,” Clara replied as her eyes moistened a bit and she moaned a bit louder with pain.

“I’ll read further,” Nakata said trying to distract her, “The next entry is for 14th January, 2012.”

“It’s official. We are leaving in the last week of February and I’ve been instructed to report latest by the sixteenth of February. We’ll have to have our wedding atleast two weeks before that. We’ve decided to have it on the 4th February, so that we may have atleast ten days before I rejoin duty. Can’t pre-pone it any earlier as we need to do a lot of shopping, invite everyone and make many other arrangements.”

“I remember my wedding was the most amazing Hatsu Saisho had seen. The whole city was decorated with snow sculptures, the festivities continued for a week. Everybody was so happy and I was on cloud nine. He gave me all his love,” Clara broke down crying profusely.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have read the diary at all. I am sorry. I won’t read any further. Please stop crying,” Nakata also broke down, “Please try to take your mind off the past.”

“No, you continue reading,” Clara said crying while trying to stop Nakata from leaving the room to put the diary back with his belonging, “Please continue reading. I beg of you.”

Nakata reluctantly started to read the diary and read the next entry for 2nd February, 2012.

“Had some very hectic days over the last few weeks. Having my bachelors party tomorrow and the wedding day after.”

“I remember my hens’ night and his bucks’ night. It was so much fun. Each one of my friends was jealous that I was marrying Frank and I was happy and proud, and his happiness knew no bounds,” Clara broke down and started crying out loud, “I betrayed him, I broke his trust. He gave me all his love and only love and I killed him.” Her cries drowned every other sound in the surroundings, the birds, the sea, the engines, chatter of men, even Daniel woke up from his sleep. "I am a cheater, a murderer. I don't deserve to be forgiven," Clara's cries were incessant and more painful than the physical pain she was experiencing.

“What happened?” Steve asked as he rushed in with others to have a look.

“I was reading her the diary, she remembered Frank and now she won’t stop crying,” Nakata himself broke down, “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have read the diary.”

“That’s fine, it’s not your fault,” Robin tried to calm Nakata as everybody tried to calm Clara down. But Clara’s remorse at her actions became so grave she began to loose her breath and choke with emotions, her breathing became more and more laborious as she struggled to control herself. She started flinging her arms and throwing them on bed violently, kicking the bed and wall with her legs, even hitting her stomach at the wound with punches, so much so that Steve had to grab both her hands while Robin grabbed her legs. But Clara was inconsolable. Her remorse took complete control over her. She fainted.

“Clara? Clara!” Nakata shouted.

“Quick bring some water,” Steve asked.

Andy ran back with water but sprinkling water on her didn’t bring her back to consciousness.

“Check her pulse, check her pulse,” Daniel shouted.

“I am, I am,” Steve said as he grabbed Clara’s hand and checked her pulse, “The pulse is still running but very slow.”

They tried for a few more minutes but when she didn’t regain consciousness, Steve finally gave up and said, “Look there’s nothing we can do. We just have to wait and hope.”

“No!” Nakata cried out loud as he collapsed into a corner and cried his heart out. Everybody else stood motionless in the room for a while and then left the two inside the room one by one.

Afternoon became evening and evening became night, but Clara didn’t wake up again. Her condition worsened as her temperature first rose abruptly and she burnt till midnight, and then it began to fall alarmingly. Her face became darker and darker as the night progressed, as if the two were marching in unison. It was as if the shadow of death was covering her up like a blanket, slowly and slowly.